The fat girls club

Anyone who has been pregnant knows what horrific things it does to your body. Well each of my pregnancies I gained at least 60 lbs, got stretch marks in places I didn't even think I could get stretch marks! I had no idea that my vagina would stretch before I even gave birth...yes you heard me, I got stretch marks all around my va jay jay! Lucky for me I didn't realize how bad it was since I couldn't even see my vagina the last few months of pregnancy, but as you know you give birth to this beautiful baby and it makes it all worth it.

I am not one of those lucky women who lose all the weight within 6 weeks after giving birth. I lose about 30 lbs and then the other just sits everywhere until about the first birthday. So when I left my ex husband my baby was 10 months old, and I was living back in my home state with all my single friends ready to go out and mingle. I didn't realize at that point that I was officially the "fat friend"...oh I hate even saying that, because no one wants that label! At the time I thought I looked good considering I had 2 kids, and just knew that my prince charming was going to find me at any moment. Needless to say it was my two girlfriends (who had no children) that got all of the guys attention, and when I did get attention it was only because the guy wanted to get laid. I had become the last resort once the beer goggles kicked in.

Now you may be thinking "Why would she even be out dating, when she just left her husband and she has two kids at home that need her?" Well I am not a perfect person, and I made many mistakes that first year after leaving my abuser. MANY MISTAKES!!!! I had absolutely no self esteem and I craved any positive attention I could get because I had been treated so negatively for so long. I was very promiscuous and naive and wanted to believe that those guys who wanted to go home with me actually cared about me. Every time I slept with someone new and they never called me again I would become even more depressed and dislike myself even more. I think I was so use to the abuse that I wanted the pain, because I didn't know how to demand respect or be treated like a person rather then a piece of ass.

Once I got a job on my feet and my baby turned one years old, the weight just started to fall off of me. I had stopped going out because of my job and I was the skinniest I had been since High School. I knew I had lost weight, but didn't think it was that noticeable. Well then my "skinny" girlfriends invited me out to meet up with a large group of people. Well some of those guys were ones that had treated me like a piece of ass, and the look of shock on their face when they saw me was priceless. At that point I was not interested in hooking up with anyone and let me tell you they tried. I was learning to respect myself and other people were picking up on that. I was actually able to just be friends with these guy and them see my as a person.

When I was married to the Incubus I often daydreamed about how I was going to eventually leave my own little personal hell and run off with Kenny Chesney and live happily ever after. Then when I discovered that he was much shorter than me, I realized it would just never work! I could never date someone shorter than me. So I turned my focus to dreams about being in love rather than focusing on a particular partner.

Anytime I was driving I thought about how once I get divorced I am going to meet the man of my dreams, he is going to treat me like a queen, love my kids like his own, and love me for me. He would become my protector rather than my abuser. I was excited about the idea of dating, because I never really got a chance to since I got pregnant at 17, and stayed in a commited marriage for 7 years. I would finally get to enjoy my 20's and live this amazing life! Then when I finally got out of my abusive marriage I quickly realized that being single was not that great, and that dating sucked even more.

How I thought the single life was going to be was nothing remotely close to how it actually was. In my mind I just knew that guys were going to be approaching me and begging to take me out, but that was far from the truth. What was I thinking! I was a single mom of 2 kids, with stretch marks, and a fat ass! Yet, I thought guys would be begging to to get with me! lol